


The Confession

by KL_Serenity



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Translation in English
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:00:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29547603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KL_Serenity/pseuds/KL_Serenity
Summary: My name is Zeke Yeager and I hereby confess.
Relationships: Pieck Finger/Zeke Yeager
Kudos: 13





	The Confession

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [忏悔录](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25298041) by [TheLunatic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLunatic/pseuds/TheLunatic). 



> ⚠additional warning for mentioned suicidal thoughts and slight description of blood and gore
> 
> Comments and kudos are very welcomed!!!( ´▽｀)

My name is Zeke Yeager and I hereby confess.

I was born with the expectation of saving: saving the lives of my parents, saving Aunt Faye’s dead soul, saving the Eldians, saving the world.

But I failed to save anyone. I have killed my parents. I have killed the Eldian Restorationists. I have killed untold numbers of my fellow Eldians. And of course, I have killed many people of other races: men, women, old, and young.

I have thought of killing myself too, but I was better at living than dying, at wrapping myself in layers of disguise, at being discreet, at blending in with the absurdity and cruelty of the world. I was good at living that way. From the day I brought the Marleyan police into my home, I knew that was the only way I could live, and I had to practice it without making a single mistake.

Thank God, I didn't make a single mistake. You know, I did very well. I think my parents were right about that -- I was the child who was going to change everything. Of course, I have doubted myself before. When I first became a Warrior Candidate, I did so badly that I doubted I was worthless. But then I realized that it wasn't because I was just an ordinary kid. It was because my parents' plans were destined to fail. They were too naive, too idealistic and too hasty. Their foolish confrontations would only lead to failure. The hazards of rash advance would put everyone’s life at risk. They didn’t think about that, however. They only saw the Eldian Empire, the dream which was far away but seemed to be within their reach, making them crazy and absurd.

I reported them, yes, without much hesitation. It was only after that I realized I was alone in the world. I was determined to save the Eldians and the world on my own, and in making this decision I was able to experience the feeling of the God - you would probably understand too, wouldn't you?

It was not so easy to revel in it. Reality did not easily grant a person the right to become a hero or even a god. I was the special one, however. I was better than anyone else. After I was determined to start my new life, I easily qualified as a Warrior Candidate and even became a Warrior Captain. These were the things I never dared to imagine in the past. Only after I acquired them did I realize they were merely that. The Marleyans trusted me, relied on me and gave me important positions. I was able to participate in their confidential meetings, war deployments and policy discussions. Of course, I was still an Eldian, but an Eldian they had to consult. There never was anyone who has done anything like that, and there will never be in the future ...... if Pieck Finger didn’t come along.

Pieck Finger. She was not fit to be a warrior. She did not have anything that people call faith or frenzy in her. She did not carry any heavy expectations to save the Eldians, nor did she sacrifice to improve the lives of her family. She quietly ran out of the house one early morning to submit her application to save her bedridden father -- the story we heard from her long after we met. Her father stopped her, saying that he would rather die than let his daughter live like that. Why are there such stupid people? Pieck Finger, however, was damned fit to be a warrior. She was intelligent, quick-witted and thoughtful. From the moment she arrived, everyone believed she would be a Marley warrior. The Eldians liked her. The Marleyans liked her as well. They called her by her given name affectionately. Perhaps she reminded them of their beloved little daughter at home.

She already had so much love. The rich would not care about the butter left on their knives.

I licked the blade carefully, jealous of her abundance.

We were wary of each other, distant, yet in tune. Later I used to travel through forests, ravines, cities and battlefields on the back of her titan. She always delivered stones to my hands at just the right moment before I threw them. Perhaps without even realizing it myself, I became dependent on her reconnaissance, and on her protecting my back. I knew that I shouldn't have done this. I knew that one day we would become enemies, and she would surely be the trickiest one of all. Perhaps I should have killed her first, as she rested peacefully in my lap, sleeping. I knew that I could have snapped that pale, slender neck with a gentle push.

She curled her eyebrows, smiled at me, and said to me in a dreamy voice, Zeke, Zeke, you are an executioner. I embraced her, like lovers lying peacefully in a pure white coffin.

I knew that she was not keen on killing. I knew that she loved her neighbors as sincerely as she loved strangers -- I knew, without a doubt, that she would agree if I said I was the person who knew her best in the world -- and I let her kill for me. Sometimes it was a completely unnecessary waste. I would leave some panicked people at her gunpoint, or let her inject my spinal fluid into the body of an Eldian with her own hands. Sometimes I risked my life because I loved watching her have to stomp on human flesh and blood to save me, leaving the brains of the unlucky ones gooey and sticky all over her fingers and toes. She would always do it. I can't say with certainty how much of it was out of her sense of duty, how much out of the hidden cruelty inside her, how much out of ......

She squeezed sauce into her burger, and said, you always play with lives, is this your flaw or your vice.

I guess she must have guessed that I would eventually become her enemy, but she just kept the secret in silence. She stared long and hard at my back, waiting, I think, for the moment when I would turn around with a loaded gun in my hand. I guess she must have guessed that I had caught a glimpse of her carefully concealed secret. She sucked the danger from my lips as sweet as honey. She danced in the shadow of betrayal and death, unable to restrain the frenzied passion of her heart.

My soul is tattered and torn, with filthy sins flowing from every ragged hole. Those who have embraced me must know this very well.

She also knows that I would not hesitate to kill her if I had to, that we are not companions, nor are we friends.

She knows that I have never regretted or doubted myself. I could not have lived to this day if I had a moment of regret or wavering. I have blood on my hands that cannot be washed away. I have taken the lives of thousands of people, but God has also sent down fire and floods from heaven for the sake of eternal peace. I would be the serpent in the crowd. I would be the fiery sword in the Garden of Eden. I deceive all that can be deceived. I betray all that can be betrayed. I learn to live cunningly and vilely, to live patiently and smoothly. I know how to smash people's hopes and dreams of tranquility and joy. I should have died long ago, but I have taken away the black wings of death. I eagerly yearn for purgatory, longing to be eaten up by dogs......

But there is only one thing I hereby confess, and that is love.


End file.
